I finally broke up with hard seltzer. Here’s why:
Dear Hard Seltzer,
We’ve had quite the run, haven’t we? You made it possible for me to enjoy something other than beer in college, and I thank you for that. Plus, you were always a low calorie, low sugar option that helped when the Freshman 15 came around.
But through the years as I’ve become older and wiser, I’ve noticed some things that I am no longer willing to put up with. For starters, what are you even made of? All this time I thought you were just a blend of flavored seltzer and a clear liquor, but I’ve come to realize that you’re made of malt liquor and I don’t even know what that is.
What I do know is that your mysterious ingredients that aren’t even listed on the can make my stomach hurt…a lot. Insane bloating and discomfort, and an after effect that’s a little too TMI for this letter (but I’m sure you get the hint). What’s the point of drinking you if the end result is more pain than pleasure? And I don’t know how I managed for this long, but your flavor honestly sucks. I gave it a good go, but I can’t take another sip of a drink that’s supposed to be fruit flavored but really just tastes like a radioactive chemical had a baby with a stick of gum that went through the wash. No, thanks. We’re through.
Post-break-up, I did some soul searching and came across a new canned cocktail that quickly caught my attention. From now on, I’m a Spritz drinker. Spritz Society is a canned wine spritzer made with natural fruit flavors, and truthfully, is one of the best drinks I’ve tried in a long time. I know this might be hard for you to hear, but it’s best if you know the truth.
Other than the cutest packaging I’ve ever seen, I was so pleased to discover how transparent Spritz Society is about their process as well as what’s inside their product. It comes from Sonoma, California, they use natural fruit flavors, and each product is about 120 calories and only 7 carbs and 5 grams of sugar. Sure, it might be a little bit more than you, but I’d rather have my drink taste good and use ingredients that aren’t going to destroy my insides. Lesson learned.
I ordered myself the variety pack, which comes with four cans each of all four of their flavors: grapefruit, blood orange, lemonade and pineapple. When they arrived (and quite quickly I might add) I sat down and tasted each one to finally determine if I was over you for good. And in that moment, I knew I could move on, because Spritz Society would never let me down.
Each flavor is so distinctly fruity and delicious, and there is nothing artificial or chemically about it. They have the perfect amount of bubbles, and are sweet enough to easily enjoy but not too sweet that you would get sick of them either. It was hard to move away from you at first, but with Spritz Society in my fridge now I can confidently move forward with a drink that tastes incredible, who’s ingredients will never upset me (physically or emotionally).
So in closing, I’d like to thank you for the mems, Hard Seltzer, but this ship has finally sailed. I’m on to better tasting and higher quality canned drinks now, and I’m proud to say that Spritz Society is my new true love. Hope we can be cordial as I pass you by, collecting dust, on the drug store shelves.
A much happier drinker and new member of the Spritz Society
PS. If you’re ready to make the move like I did, for a limited time you can get a variety pack for 35% off. So get out there, order your own, and get Spritzing! I promise, you’re going to love being a part of the society.